|I have been going to the
gym for some time now and I have begun to notice a resurgence in
the popularity of spandex. It seems it doesn't matter if you
shouldn't wear spandex these days, only that it is
fashionable and the in thing.
I'm not one to complain... well, maybe I
am, but the other day I saw a guy wearing spandex that should
have been the companies product tester. The stuff was stretched
so tight I swear he couldn't have possibly been breathing
freely. I had the displeasure of seeing this guy get on a
machine I had planned to use in just a few more minutes.
While sweating profusely and the
machine's weight pin straining to hold the load, Mr. Muscles
puffed and grunted out 5 very hard reps. Then, after every set
he would get up and walk around the machine while composing
himself by making weird noises. Back on the machine he would
make sure everyone heard his next attempt and so on until he was
ready to move on to another unsuspecting piece of equipment.
I retreated to the treadmill in fear of
being sprayed with sweat by the guy with no towel and death
defying spandex. The entire time I was walking I thought how
badly I wished he wasn't wearing the spandex. I
had to use those same machines and I didn't think my towel would
survive. After 27 minutes and 18 seconds of this loud display
Mr. Muscles retired to the locker room leaving all quiet again
in the gym save a few clanging weights and a fat lady passing
out as she fell off a treadmill.
I finished the rest of my workout and
ducked into the locker room to get cleaned up before leaving. As
I rounded the corner Mr. Muscles was walking around the room
grunting and puffing like he was having a heart attack. He saw
me and immediately struck up a conversation about the weather
and other innocuous subjects, but I was so shocked I couldn't
move. Mr. Muscles was naked...
It was then I heard myself say
something so bizarre I still have trouble recounting the event.
" Could you please put your spandex back on."
He didn't thrash me to a pulp or
anything like that, he just walked back to his locker, held up
the badly stretched material and said, "These look good don't
I grimaced, grabbed my bag and headed
for the door quietly chanting to myself, "Be careful what you
wish for, be careful what you wish for, be careful what you wish