The Fat Triathlete
Heavy Into Triathlon!

I have tried just about everything over the last few years to get into shape and complete a triathlon. I have read all the books and advice columns in the magazines and online as well. With all this knowledge floating around one would think I would be in fantastic shape but as you know, that's not true. I have decided to make a list of what might work and what probably wouldn't as far as weight loss and training goes. 

Ten Things That Could Work

1.  Living on a boat anchored 20 miles from any convenience store.
2.  Getting rid of your car and Biking 10 miles to work everyday.
3.  Living with a vegetarian.
4.  Training as soon as you wake up.
5.  Selling your refrigerator.
6.  Getting rid of all your lazy friends and replacing them with triathletes.
7.  Buying a dog that has to be walked 3 miles everyday.
8.  Living on the tenth floor of a high rise with no elevator.
9.  TV only works when you pedal your stationary bike.
10.Hiring a trainer that takes it personally when you skip a workout ...
                                                                              and knows where you live!

Ten Things That Probably Won't Work

1.  Getting a job in a donut shop. 
2.  Installing an escalator from your front door to the car.
3.  Teaching your dog to fetch sodas out of the refrigerator.
4.  Planning to train first thing in the morning but getting up at noon.
5.  Strangling the vegetarian you live with.
6.  Sitting on the couch while your dog walks on the treadmill.
7.  Quitting your job if your cubical is more than 20 feet from the break room.
8.  Hanging out with fat people so you look thinner.
9.  Driving the free power shopping carts at Wal-Mart.
10.Failing to realize that one box of cookies does not equal one serving.